If our life is poured out in useless words, we will never hear anything, will never become anything, and in the end, because we have said everything before we had anything to say, we shall be left speechless at the moment of our greatest decision. Thomas Merton
Last month my mum was with me at our favorite cheese shop in Claremont as I de-stressed after a busy, challenging week. As we decided on one of the cheeses we both like the attentive man at the counter asked if we wanted it wrapped in two pieces. We answered yes, that would be nice. As he turned to go to the other side to cut and wrap our cheese my mum called out after him, “Make it sixty forty.” At that moment I realized how grateful I was for my mum, a mum who so naturally does these sorts of things continually—and I’m sure I needn’t say whose refrigerator the larger portion went to that evening.
That little episode at the Cheese Cave got me to thinking about gratitude, in both its everyday form, if you will allow me to phrase it such, to its heroic level as virtue. The important aspect of gratitude I saw at the cheese counter that afternoon is that it takes us beyond ourselves and turns our eyes to the other. If we continue keeping our eyes focused outward this will lead us to the ultimate recipient of our gratitude—God. Our Lord is the most deserving and final recipient of our gratitude for all things come from him, even down to our every breath.
With gratitude turning our focus outward, beyond ourselves, it then walks side by side with humility and can’t be played at—virtues are not gained in the abstract. As Thomas Merton spoke of in Thoughts In Solitude you can’t truly, effectively prefer the virtue to its opposite vice if you do not live it, experience it as an act of charity and recognize it as such. “To be grateful,” he said, “is to recognize the love of God in everything. For the grateful man knows God is good not by hearsay but by experience.” Pride will keep that ability to experience this at bay.
Bringing gratitude to the level of virtue Father Romano Guardini lays out three conditions needed that I will touch upon very briefly. He begins with showing how it exists only “between an ‘I’ and a ‘Thou.’” Gratitude doesn’t exist between things or between you and something but rather between you and someone. As soon as we “loose sight of the personal quality,” he says, and the idea of a ‘thing’ enters, gratitude dies.
In the second condition we see love entering into the picture as “gratitude is only possible in the realm of freedom,” says Guardini. Love is a free response, and as soon as ‘must’ appears, gratitude looses its meaning.
Since love neither wounds or hurts the third condition for gratitude is it must exist with reverence. Without reverence for the one who receives gratitude can quickly break down becoming resentment—think of wanting to throw a gift back in the givers face because it comes across as demeaning.
By keeping these three conditions in mind, and actively understanding them, we can truly be filled with deep, virtuous gratitude. This in turns brings us that joy and peace we all seek.
There is a community of the spirit.
Join it, and feel the delight
of walking in
the noisy street
and being the noise.
Drink all your passion,
and be a disgrace.
Close both eyes
to see with the other eye.
- Rumi -
Gratitude is the most exquisite form of courtesy. - Jacques Maritain
The link below to one of Bishop Barron’s homilies, “How to be Happy,” on the Beatitudes will help you to foster a joyful attitude, leading to gratitude. I found this homily several weeks back when we were studying the Beatitudes in 4th grade and was looking for some kid friendly videos. The yellow happy face picture at the opening fit the bill, and by the way the class responded I picked the right one. I continue to put this up on the board each morning during religion because the entire class still enjoys seeing it along with ‘happy happy happy’ I additionally write on the white board. The 4th graders only listened to the first two minutes as that was sufficient to reinforce what they had read in their religion book without becoming too much for them. I encourage you to listen to the entire homily, but if you stop where we did you will still get much out of it.
11 October 2015